Hey guys! So I’ve decided to list down everything in chronological sequence so it sounds more appropriate 🙂
I’ll begin with the two most symbolic events which made me fall so hard until I forgot about myself.
Just a few days prior to our 17th month thingy, she called for quits. I guess it didn’t turn out the way we wanted it to be. I remembered seeing the text she sent made me feel a surge of denial, anger, and depression caused by the sudden realization of what happened. I tried my best to find a way to get her back but she just closed the door on me. I only realized my mistakes in the relationship although I desperately tried to convince her that none of it will happen again.
From then on, I was afraid; mainly because we didn’t end things with proper closure and that I’m just weary that she might talk smack about me. I was lost too. The person whom I turn to when I have problems, the one who brings me up when I’m down,the one doesn’t fail to make me smile errrday, suddenly left my life just like that. MY FUCKING CINNAMON APPLE :(. I can give you 1001 reasons on why she completes me. She’s just PERFECT.
Moving on I really didn’t enjoy my post-breakup vibes. It felt like shit. I swear I had depression and insomnia. Shit hit me so bad, my exams got affected and obviously my GPA was horrendous for my first semester in school. I was hoping that rugby and stuff could numb the pain away, but not all of it was gone.
Just when I thought I already moved on and was ready to take on the world and what it’ll give to me, I got dragged down back to the lowest of the lowest this time
2 weeks after my breakup, when I thought everything’s gonna be alright, my beloved grandmother passed away. She’s been there for me for 17 years and has provided me with the best love and care a grandmother could provide. I was down in the dumps. She was already on her deathbed days before but I told myself “Nah, she’s gonna be alright. We’re gonna bring her to the hospital and she’s gonna walk it off fine”. But I guess God loves her more than I do .
Everything just hit me in the face. I was so heartbroken by both losses, I almost took my life. But I told myself everything happens for a reason and that better days are coming.
MAKING MY WAY BACK UP SLOWLY
Even up till now, I have to say that I’m still deeply affected by the turn of events. Every now and then I’ll be daydreaming about them; about spending time with them and whatnot. Everyday is an attempt for me to claw myself back up to the top.
I hope you guys could understand what in the world I was writing haha writing blog entries at 1:50 in the morning is some tiring stuff. It’s kinda dry too I guess.
I guess my next entry will be about the people and things that had helped me back up.
OH AND I ALSO WANT TO SHARE WITH YOU GUYS ABOUT SOME WEIRD EXPERIENCES HEHEHEHEHE
So stick around! Thanks for reading my entry for today 🙂