Lay Me Down Easy

18/3/2017

Hey guys!! Here’s another entry. This time is about the remorse and guilt I’ve felt over the days and months and how I wish I could turn back time.

THE REALISATION

Well, I have to say it took me several mean tweets and shade posts on my other Instagram account to actually accept the fact that we’re no longer an exclusive item anymore and that something just went wrong around 2 to 3 weeks prior to our official split. It was already building up then and it’s just waiting for the right moment to start a huge fight between the two of us. I wouldn’t blame her on everything but I know that I have my part in making mistakes during the relationship. Mistakes that would actually hurt her rather than make her love me more

THE REALISATION PT II 

I did an intensive study and self reflection of my actions that caused all of this. Upon my ‘research’, I find that I have a huge amount of ego and pride that I’m afraid of losing. Maybe because I want to show people around me that I’m capable of being an Alpha male and not give in. But it doesn’t seems like it and I was supposed to not be afraid of losing my ego and pride but instead to be AFRAID OF LOSING HER. 

And I lost her.

THE REALISATION PT III

When I finally figured out my mistakes, the damage was already done. It was too late. I tried to change for the better for her but she already closed the door on me. I lost her. I lost her trust. That moment on, I was lost in oblivion as to what to do. At first I thought it was still like a ‘meh’ kind of situation but it slowly enveloped my feelings.

end.

If you’re seeing this, I miss you. I guess you’re doing fine without me but everyday I’ve been dreading to see your face, meetup for some Maccas breakfast or walks by the beach like we used to do. You’re still my #1. You took my heart away too when you left 😥

i miss you.

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